Chapstick (Shit My Cock Says - Pt. 3)

Welcome to the third edition of Shit My Cock Says. Now it's nearing September and it's getting "cooler" here in Texas, so let's see what my junk has to say about all this shiz.

 

Rated "14+" and "L" for strong language.

• Rick Perry and the Presidency

My my my, what will we do with you, Mr. Governor. Rick Perry has led the state of Texas since his predecessor, George W. Bush, was elected to the presidency in 2000. My cock says, "When will this dumbass country learn to NEVER elect people from Texas?" Let's look at some past Texas brethren. 

These dumbasses elected me twice. Now let's see who's
bankrupting the state: those whiny sick kids on CHiPs or me and my $600k house.

• Lyndon B. Johnson

                       LBJ took over the presidency when JFK was shot in Dallas. Unfortunately, many troubles would come his way, including the Civil Rights movement (and the Civil Rights Act of 1965), the escalation of the Vietnam War, and finally, sticking out his wang if you dared confront him peeing. He had many good ideas for the government, but the Vietnam War shadowed all this and ultimately led him not to seek re-election in 1968.

  If it wasn't for the escalation of the Vietnam War, he would have been a more beloved president.

See this? This is how big your dick is to my dick.

• Dwight D. Eisenhower

                     This guy was actually "da bomb." Seriously. He was the Commanding General of the US Forces in Europe during WWII, and if that wasn't awesome enough, he was the first President recorded on color videotape. Although he sent troops to Korea (under the UN), his presidencies were quite peaceful, and not to mention, he established NASA, removed McCarthy from power, and used his presidential power to desegregate schools in the Little Rock area. He was quite a good president... and not to mention... in COLOR!

Wonder why the fuck this picture
is in B&W?

• George W. Bush

                    Granted, good ole' Dubya was actually born in Connecticut, but moved to Texas in his early childhood and was raised in West Texas and Houston. He went to a Northeastern boarding school during his teenage years, but moved back to join the Texas Air National Guard. He's known for taking the U.S. on a worldwide War on Terror, invading Afghanistan (in 2001) and Iraq (in 2003), enforcing the PATRIOT Act (shudder), and introducing No Child Left Behind.

I think that if 9/11 had never happened, the early 2000s would have not been the fear-inducing, gas-mask-accumulating, and scared-shitless-because-of-a-duffel-bag-filled-with-socks time in American history. Oh well...

Hopefully, the people of this country will NOT elect Rick Perry, mainly because he needs to return to the constituents who voted his ass in to office and who pay a huge rent on a house while the Governor's Mansion is rebuilt.

• Repeal of "DADT"

See... if you let us serve... we won't
stare and yell "BREEDERS" like
you did to us.

          It's great the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" has finally been done. Although the bill was passed to repeal in it in December 2010, it wasn't in effect until September 20, 2011. My cock says, "Finally, men who love cocks or women who love poon-tang can finally serve their country like everybody else... those damn breeders.*" 

           I was watching an HBO documentary about DADT and found that 13,000 soldiers had been discharged or resigned when they declared their sexuality. Well, at least we would have followed the example of most of our NATO allies and allowed a terrible law to be struck down. 

Good job, President Obama, Secretary Gates, and all the others who made it possible.

• The Beginning of Fall

As some of the country knows, Texas was under a heat wave from mid-June through late August. Here in Dallas, we were above 100 °F (37°C) for 40 consecutive days, not breaking the record for most (which was 42), but we did manage to break the record for most 100° days, 70, which stood at 69 from 1980. 

But thankfully it's over and now were seeing "cooler" weather (highs in the 90s, 80s; lows in the 60s) and smaller electric bills. Unfortunately, we are still in a drought and we need a nice hurricane or tropical storm to blow it away. My cock says, "Ah, finally... no more hot shorts. Cold breezes, where we come!"

And there we have it, Shit My Cock Says, Part Three, codename Chapstick. Thanks for reading!