Shit My Cock Says - Pt. 1

This is a new introduction to the ESF blog: Shit My Cock Says. And unlike pussy-ass CBS whose held back by FCC guidelines and American morality, I am glad to name my column in its entirety: Shit My Cock Says.

The reason for SMCS is just to express what my cock feels. Yes, cocks have feelings too. Unlike vaginas, who have no feelings whatsoever and must talk to their friend, the Clitoris, for advice. Enjoy.

• The Casey Anthony Trial

"My cock says, "I wouldn't hit that... she
did it with her attorney... that sick mother."
(PICTURE COURTESY OF PATRISHKA'S OPEN MOUTH)

My cock says, "Put this bitch out!" She was accused of murdering her five-year-old child, Kaylee, and just yesterday was acquitted of First Degree Murder. I disagree with that, but was sentenced by a jury of her peers. And as noted by Whoopie on "The View" this morning, "SHE WILL BE MURDERED BY THE COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION." Right on, GIRL! She is and will be. She might escape going to jail, but will NEVER escape public opinion.

"Give it to him Denny, give it to him good!"
PICTURE COURTESY OF FREAKING NEWS PICTURES

• The Federal Budget

Congress is sort-of like a bunch of middle-aged bitches who can't figure out a dollar from a stack of pennies. My cock says, "I'd smack 'em all, but most would like it, since you know, they all send inappropriate messages to their aides and pages." If every agency could save money without cutting jobs, then great, but maybe, try taking a pay cut. But they haven't thought about that, huh? Pay cuts would be good... no more trips to parks asking for blowjobs.

• The 2012 Presidency Campaigns

My cock thinks of this as Student Council election. The most popular kid will get voted into office, and even more so if they begin to give out candy and buttons and sexual favors in the gym locker room.

"How dare she copy my Orgasm face... that dumb mother fatherfucker.
PICTURE COURTESY OF Joe. My. God.

 One side of the candidates will say, "You know, let's go to another country and bomb the shit out of it. And if you like war, then I'm your man/woman. And you know, Paul Revere warned the Mexicans before Germany crash-landed the Zeppelin in Veracruz!"

The other side is like, "Don't worry about it, I'll change everything."

The message here is to listen carefully to both side on the issues and in the end, not voting in a God-loving, gay-hating, man-loving Republican guy/woman. :)