H.E. Joseph Beauford

This summer is not like last. For example, I didn't babysit last summer. I've always thought that babysitting was easy, but I've come to learn it's vastly underrated/under-respected. It takes a lot of patience to watch over a bundle of energy and even more so to relax while he/she is asleep. Also, it's a big responsibility to look after a human life-- a live, conscious being that makes up its own mind. Like me. I think, I make decisions, I carry a voter's registration card.

[Cue Dragnet theme song]

While taking care of a nephew last week, Wednesday to be exact, I was flipping through some channels while he slept nearby. I came along C-SPAN, a public affairs network that broadcasts all Senate and House proceedings as they happen 24/7.

When I first started watching, the feed went from the House (I saw Al Franken) to the Senate, where its members were returning from lunch. An older gentleman was filling in time while a colleague of his got there to speak. Several minutes later, the speaker got there and began to talk about how the Koch Brothers were lobbying and fundraising for things against their industries, such as pollution laws and the like.

The Speech from C-SPAN

But my icon comes after the Sen. Lautenburg. The guy from Alabama with that Southern drawl. And I just began to imagine his campaign slogans: No more Obamacare! Build a Border Fence! Lower Taxes and Cut Spending!* Support D.O.M.A!  and the rest of that Republican bullshit.

And then the name hit me. H.E. Joseph Beauford. It's a pristine name for a Southern gentleman, especially if he hates the foreigners and Mexican-talk**. I'm not sure what people see in officials like him, but to one his own, even if the one is as dumb as a sack of diapers (and off-brand diapers, too).

VOTE FOR H.E. JOSEPH BEAUFORD! HE'S BEEN VESTING YOUR INTERESTS IN WASHINGTON FOR 35 YEARS NOW. PROTECTING YOUR FAMILY AND MAKING SURE YOUR VOICE IS HEARD. WE NEED CHANGE NOW, SO ELECT ME AND LET ME BRING THAT CHANGE TO THOSE WASHINGTON INSIDERS AND LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD. 

I'm H.E. Joseph Beauford and I approve this message.

* It's like having $1000 credit card debt and then asking for a decrease in pay.

** Some assholes refer to Spanish like that. Xenophobes.