Thursday, March 14, 2013

ESF Postlet: Austin Blue Balls


Rated 16+ for mature themes

The links in this post go to external websites that may not be appropriate for those under 18. 
You have been warned!

I was lying in bed, having a think when I ice cream came into my head.


The thought of ice cream sat itself upon my cortex and just made me think of it. As I lay there, the thought had suddenly come to me: BLUE BALLS!

"Blue balls" is slang meaning that you haven't ejaculated after a period of sexual stimulation (see here). 

In my mission to be weird as much as it can be allowed under the Texas Family Code of 1875 (which is still in effect for counties with populations under 50,000), I usually reference random names of white guys when talking about gay sex to my friend Cynthia. For example, when speaking about it, I will say, "Oh yeah, I just have Aaron Tyler Johnson, III lying here in bed with me. He told me to swallow, but I'm no bitch."

Or sometimes, "Okay, calm down Brian Ockert." 

(Mr. Ockert is the proprietor of 'Chaosmen.com'. His product is top-notch.)

Anyway, I told Cynthia the title of this post, and we got to talking about ice cream. And then she suggested a flavor, blueberry. I said, "Raspberry. And it's going to be all nice and creamy." She replied with a little disgust in her words. I added, "Oh yeah. Another flavor: Lemon Incest." 

She really didn't know what to make of it.

But now, I'm thinking of making my own ice cream: Austin Blue Balls.

I swear to God it will be made of milk and other ice-creaming making ingredients. The name is a little displeasing, but once you have it in your mouth, you'll love it. You will swallow, or your money back.